WWJD By Dr. Richard Youngblood
Question: I well remember the pain of my parents’
divorce. I don’t want that to happen to
my children. How can I maintain a good
marriage and avoid divorce?
I recommend that you have an affair. I’m not talking about a secretive, romantic
sexual relationship between two people not married to one another. Instead, I’m proposing that you turn your
marriage into a lifetime love affair.
The God who created marriage intended that you and your spouse should have
a deeply spiritual, emotional, romantic and passionate love for one another
that will never end except in death (Genesis 2:18-25; Matthew 19:4-6). To accomplish this, I believe Jesus would
make the following recommendations.
Begin by
establishing God’s word, the Bible, as your final authority on love and
marriage. Numerous passages in the New Testament and
Old Testament speak directly about love and marriage, including warnings
against adultery (1 Corinthians 7; Ephesians 5:22-33; 1 Peter 3:1-7; Hebrews
13:4; Proverbs 5; Song of Solomon; Hosea).
Other passages teach us about the nature of love in any relationship (1
Corinthians 13 and the Book of Ruth). The instructions for Christian life on
kindness, honesty, service, unselfishness, grace and forgiveness also apply to
the marriage relationship. While there
are many books, seminars, marriage retreats and movies that can help us, nothing
is more vital to a marriage than the words of the God who created us. Anything that is inconsistent with God’s word
should not be trusted.
To build your marriage into a lifetime love affair,
you must also make a willful decision to
love your mate. Lasting love is not
based on the ups and downs of our emotions.
Real love is a choice we must make to continue seeking the highest good
of one another no matter how we may feel under the stresses that life brings
upon us. Several years ago a study of
marriage demonstrated that the level of satisfaction tends to rise to a high
very early but declines somewhat when the routine and stresses of a family come
upon the couple. Although many become
fearful and bailout through divorce at that point, those who persevere usually
find that the level of marital satisfaction begins to rise again. Over the years it reaches even higher levels
than at the beginning. This choice to
continue loving one another is patterned after God’s love. He chooses to love us even in our sins
(Romans 5:8). In the same way, we must
choose to love our mates.
In addition, you
need to commit to a lifetime of learning how to love your mate. Great love affairs do not just happen; they
take a lifetime of continuous work. When
dating, we work hard at doing everything we can to please one another. Unfortunately we often do not continue this effort
after we marry. We need to continue
studying to learn more about one another so we can grow in love through the
changing stages of life. We cannot
afford to be like the husband who said to his wife, “I told you I love you when
we married. If I ever change my mind,
I’ll let you know.” If we do not
continue to grow in love for one another, the flame of love is soon
extinguished.
Finally, build
your marriage on loving instead of being loved, on giving rather than
receiving. A woman wrote Ann
Landers, the advice columnist, that she hated her husband and intended to
divorce him; however before the divorce, she wanted to know what she could do to
really hurt him. Landers proposed that
for one month before divorcing him she should do everything loving for him she
could—prepare his favorite meals, bring his slippers when he gets home, fluff his
pillow, bring him the newspaper. At the
end of one month, then leave him. That
would really hurt him. After a month,
the woman wrote back that she didn’t know why she ever thought of leaving her
husband. He’s the finest man in the
world. Most of us find it difficult to
keep from responding in loving ways to those who act loving toward us.
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