WWJD By Dr. Richard Youngblood
Question: I hate conflict, but it seems almost impossible to avoid
conflict with difficult people. What
would Jesus do?
From the moment Satan
deceived Adam and Eve, he has been determined to set us against one another as
well as against God. As a result, we
live in a world continuously caught up in conflict, bitter strife and war. But blaming the evil one does not help deal
with our conflicts, especially problems with difficult people.
Few people enjoy heated
arguments and angry confrontations. Most
of us would rather find a less stressful way of dealing with any differences we
may have with one another. We would
rather avoid shortening our lives by high blood pressure, strokes, heart
attacks, stomach ulcers or other stress-related illnesses. I believe Jesus would propose some
alternative ways of dealing with difficult people that can avoid these risks.
For example, Jesus taught
his disciples a procedure to follow when fellow-disciples had sinned against them. He said, “If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you.
If he listens to you, you have won your brother
over. But if he will not listen, take
one or two others along, so that 'every matter may be established by the testimony
of two or three witnesses.' If he
refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen
even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector” (Matthew 18:15-17). In the book of Acts, we read about a Christian
couple, Pricilla and Aquila, who followed these principles when they heard
Apollos boldly preaching an inaccurate message.
We are told that “they invited him to their home and explained to
him the way of God more adequately” (Acts
18:26). However, this process was
intended for those who shared a common faith in Jesus. We have no guarantee it will work with those
who do not have this common faith, but it may be worth a try.
There are other times even among Christians when
nothing less than a public confrontation may be necessary. When the apostle Peter was in Antioch of
Syria, his actions before the church were hypocritical and misled others into
the same hypocrisy. Because of Peter’s
actions, Paul opposed him to his face in front of them all (Galatians
2:11-14). While this may seem
unnecessarily harsh, the sin of Peter was not only public but also endangered
the understanding of the truth of God within the church at Antioch. Paul did not do an exposé of Peter at another church: he confronted Peter
face to face about the problem. At the
same time, keep in mind that Paul always admonished Christians to act gently
and in love, even when correcting one another (Galatians 6:1; cf. 1 Corinthians
13).
Sometimes our differences with another person are not
worth the conflict that might be created by trying to deal with them. In those times, we need to allow the
forgiving grace of God to fill our hearts.
The wise man of the Proverbs said, “He who covers over an offense
promotes love” (Proverbs 17:9). Just as Jesus prayed for the forgiveness of
those who crucified him (Luke 23:34), Christians are told to “bear with
each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another.
Forgive as the Lord forgave you” (Colossians
3:13).
Finally, the only way left to deal with some
difficult people may be simply to avoid them as much as possible and to keep
moving forward with your life. Hopefully,
some effort has been made to resolve the difficulties; but with some
personalities, there is no way to avoid a stressful battle except to stay away
from them. The Proverbs admonish, “It is to a man's honor to
avoid strife, but every fool is quick to quarrel” (Proverbs 20:3). Thus, we are also encouraged not to make
friends with a hot-tempered man (Proverbs 22:24) and to avoid traveling with
wicked men (Proverbs 4:14-16). We need
to stay away from some people.
Jesus did not give us laws
or rules to follow to prevent problems with difficult people; but the above
teachings do provide alternative ways and principles that can help us. God bless your desire to live in peace with
all people (Romans 12:18ff).
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